The mind is an interesting place,
it rest behind your face,
yet, tells lies to it straight,
leaves destruction in its wake,
makes that you shake,
makes that you break,
fakes like snake,
feints and deletes a
memory just how it pleases.
But it’s behind your face, means you can’t leave. It’s
quite contrary to how we thought this would play out, isn’t it?
A while ago it just worked, didn’t it?
Well, sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t.
There are days like a breeze in the heat of the summer
Yet, believe when I speak and I tell that I’ve suffered.
A year-long winter, all alone in my bed,
my family was still around, yes,
but my brain just did not accept.
It convinced me that all I’ve known wasn’t real,
that all I’ve known didn’t feel true.
That all I’ve known didn’t feel like it used to
and that therefore I was going downhill and that there was no cure.
In that fear I’ve lived, in that fear I went on,
unless it tied me to the bed and made even going outside feel like a chore.
Completely dissociated, mentally ripped apart.
From all the stress I’ve endured,
from all the struggles in the past.
I wanted to cry but I couldn’t,
that had to to be the very worst part.
Wanting to feel your very own emotions,
knowing what they are,
but not finding them,
like there’s no connection between your brain and your heart.
It was hard, trust me
and at times I didn’t know how to move on
I’ve felt the dread of an internal pain so incomprehensible
that I don’t even know how this verse should go on.
All this made me wonder where I belong,
moving from city to city, having an interesting life.
All fine and nice till your brain breaks like ice,
Does it once, does it twice, does it thrice
and just continues doing that for the rest of your life.
Or so I thought.
I’ve been broken. I’ve been beat.
I’ve been discouraged and scared
so much that I struggled to stand on my own two feet.
Yet, this is it. This is what it’s supposed to be like. This is what life is about.
Taking my time, to overcome and climb, to prosper and shine
and to finally see the light again and making my life mine.
And so I will climb, I will prosper and shine.
I will get back what’s mine
from the world that has mushed my brain to pieces
and then just let me sit there like a small helpless child.
Me.
I will get myself back. Thank you to all the expectations and all the negative thoughts:
you have shaped me.
You have shaped me and I am no God
who can resist all of that, who is immune to that crap,
who can perfectly control his thoughts all the time
and be fine when a human being should very much not feel like that.
Because, yes, I am human and so are you.
We’re not happy forever and that’s the way it’s supposed to.
This is it. This is what life is all about.
Where there is light, the is dark
and where there is happiness there is a broken heart.
They belong together, they can’t be taken apart.

Deep inside we are not one and we are not two, but we are three.
One who is light, one who is dark and one who listens to them sing for eternity.
And that number three, that number three is Me.

L